Bob - 510: On Bob's Front by badblokebob, literature
Literature
Bob - 510: On Bob's Front
5.10 All Quiet on Bob's Front
Bob is dead.
Bob and Dave have learnt that Hell is planning to mount a large assault on Heaven's trenches in Purgatory tomorrow.
Bob realised it was now the next day.
Bob and Dave learnt yesterday that Hell was planning to mount a large assault on Heaven's trenches today.
Bob and Dave had informed their senior officers.
Bob and Dave were now standing at the wall of the trench.
Bob and Dave were stood there with every other member of Heaven's army.
Bob felt quite nervous.
Bob realised he could see Hell's troops on the horizon, slowly marching towards them.
Bob felt even nervouser.
Bob spent the next few
Bob - 509: Bob and the Unicorn by badblokebob, literature
Literature
Bob - 509: Bob and the Unicorn
5.9 Bob and the Unicorn
Bob is dead.
Bob was sat in his trench, as usual.
Bob was getting a touch bored of that.
Bob was looking out over the empty wastes of Purgatory.
Bob saw something in the distance.
Bob peered.
Bob saw a white horse running towards them.
Bob thought it was odd to see an animal outside of Animal Mountain.
Bob noticed the horse had an ice cream cone stuck to its head.
Bob pointed this out to Dave.
Bob was whacked round the head.
Bob was informed that it wasn't an ice cream cone, it was horn.
Bob informed Dave that horses don't have horns so ha!
Bob was informed that it wasn't a horse.
Bob informed Dave that
Bob - 508: Play At That Game by badblokebob, literature
Literature
Bob - 508: Play At That Game
5.8 Bob Can Play At That Game
Bob is dead.
Bob watched snow fall over Purgatory.
Bob thought the snow was pretty.
Bob commented to Dave that it must be getting near to Christmas.
Bob was informed that it only ever snowed in Purgatory on Christmas Day.
Bob pointed out that this clearly wasn't true as it was snowing today.
Bob saw Dave roll his eyes.
Bob was told that today was Christmas Day!
Bob grinned.
Bob decided not to raise the inherent complexities of this particular festival being so clearly marked in this particular supposedly neutral area.
Bob heard cries from Heaven's trench for a Christmas truce.
Bob heard approving answ
Bob - 507: Imitation Bob by badblokebob, literature
Literature
Bob - 507: Imitation Bob
5.7 Imitation Bob
Bob is dead.
Bob was lazing around in the trenches
Bob saw himself walk by.
Bob was rather surprised.
Bob thought he must be over-tired.
Bob shook his head.
Bob looked down the trench.
Bob saw himself walking away.
Bob was very surprised
Bob got up and followed himself.
Bob followed himself to his and Dave's room.
Bob watched himself go in.
Bob stood next to the doorway and peered inside.
Bob saw Dave in their room.
Bob saw Dave say hello to him.
Bob nearly replied, but then the other him did.
Bob thought this made more sense.
Bob looked on as Dave and himself had a conversation.
Bob was finding this whole
Bob - 506: On the River Styx by badblokebob, literature
Literature
Bob - 506: On the River Styx
5.6 Bob on the River Styx
Bob is dead.
Bob and Dave were given a top-secret mission by their lieutenant.
Bob asked Dave what the mission actually was.
Bob was asked hadn't he been listening.
Bob said no.
Bob was told that he was in charge of it!
Bob thought it had better be explained to him then.
Bob waited patiently while Dave sighed and moaned a lot.
Bob eventually got an explanation.
Bob had been put in charge of a submarine.
Bob thought this sounded mighty jolly.
Bob was to command the submarine up the river Styx.
Bob asked where that was.
Bob was told not to worry, Dave would sort that bit.
Bob thought that was terribly ha
Bob - 505: Saving Private Bob by badblokebob, literature
Literature
Bob - 505: Saving Private Bob
5.5 Saving Private Bob
Bob is dead.
Bob is fighting in the trenches of Purgatory, in the war he inadvertently started between Heaven and Hell.
Bob was sent on a solo mission into Hell's front line.
Bob was captured.
Bob was medically examined.
Bob was briefly questioned.
Bob was left alone in his cell.
Bob's cell wall then exploded.
Bob saw Dave, Tom and Mike come through the hole in the wall.
Bob was informed this was a rescue mission.
Bob asked who they were rescuing.
Bob was hit over the head and told to come on.
Bob, Dave, Tom and Mike ran back through the wall.
Bob heard guards calling for them to come back because they wer
Bob - 504: Bob Inquisition by badblokebob, literature
Literature
Bob - 504: Bob Inquisition
5.4 Bob Inquisition
Bob is dead.
Bob and Dave have joined Heaven's army in the war against Hell.
Bob and Dave are in the front line of the trenches in Purgatory.
Bob and Dave had been summoned to the lieutenant's office.
Bob was asked if he knew why they were here.
Bob asked if it was because he'd done something wrong.
Bob was hit round the head by Dave.
Bob was reminded by Dave that he'd already suggested that and been told he'd done nothing wrong and that they'd been called here to be given a mission.
Bob remembered all of that now.
Bob asked the lieutenant what the mission was.
Bob was told that he and Dave were to visit the Wis
Bob - 503: Bob's Platoon by badblokebob, literature
Literature
Bob - 503: Bob's Platoon
5.3 Bob's Platoon
Bob is dead.
Bob and Dave have joined Heaven's army.
Bob and Dave were assigned to a platoon.
Bob asked what a platoon was exactly.
Bob was informed that it was a military unit, typically of 30 to 50 soldiers, subdivided into sections, that had a film named after it which made it an appropriate title for this episode.
Bob attempted to reassemble the fourth wall.
Bob gave up and caught up with the rest of his platoon.
Bob asked Dave who everyone was.
Bob was introduced to Tom and Mike.
Bob said hi.
Bob asked who everyone else was.
Bob was told that Dave couldn't be bothered to find out the names of 26 to 46 other
Bob - 502: Bob Above Dave Belo by badblokebob, literature
Literature
Bob - 502: Bob Above Dave Belo
5.2 Bob Above, Dave Below
Bob is dead.
Bob has accidentally started a war between Heaven and Hell.
Bob is in a queue to join the army.
Bob was in the queue a long time.
Bob thought there were a lot of people in Heaven.
Bob was finally nearing the front of the queue.
Bob saw Dave wander past.
Bob thought he must have imagined it.
Bob looked again.
Bob saw Dave wandering off.
Bob left the queue and ran after him.
Bob called Dave's name.
Bob saw Dave stop, too late.
Bob ran in to Dave.
Bob and Dave tumbled over.
Bob was told off by Dave.
Bob just smiled: he'd found his best friend again!
Bob asked Dave what he was doing in Heav
Camembert, Edam, Port Salut,
Mozzarella, Brie, Feta too.
Monterey Jack and Provolone,
Tarentaise and Marscapone.
Cheshire, Lancashire, Leicester,
Stilton, Wensleydale, Double Gloucester.
Roquefort, Raclette, Reblochon,
Le Brin, Le Roule, Riblaire Goat's Log.
Chevre, Colby, Coulommier.
Laughing Cow, Dairy Lee:
everything, from A to Zee.
And all edible too (well, mostly).
Autumn, Winter, Summer, Spring,
cheese is such a wonderful thing.
So many types, so many flavours,
eat it with crackers, eat it for hours.
But of all the cheeses one stands alone,
sitting high upon its throne.
The ruler of all milk produce,
the greatest chee
Angst
Your fingers play with your hair,
always moving. They know no calm end.
Restlessly running horribly ripped nails
through the beautiful strands of fibre.
Not to you. Dull and flat and ugly to you.
Compliments wash off like so much stagnant water,
pooling somewhere behind you to rot and die.
The dirt of yesterday means nothing to you
now. All new dirt. Coating your skin.
Something else to worry about. Fingertips
run across your rough surface. Never good enough.
You'd take a knife to it. If you had the confidence.
The crimson trickling down the pale white,
and even that would not be right to you.
Nerves make the lines on the
Gone to the place of dark where the bad men are.
Gone to the city where no one knows what you do,
to the country where your feelings are ignored,
to the world where nobody cares. This is you.
Gone away from me and from yourself inside.
Gone because you were pushed and not because
you decided to go. Gone when you were taken,
but you weren't really gone then. Now you are.
Gone by the burn of true feelings realised in me.
Gone on hasty reactions after aeons of thought,
thought fully considered but considered in thoughts
long after the original act is gone. You with it.
Gone when you were perhaps needed the most.
Gone because you wer
I shattered all your feelings like glass,
a million glittering pieces on the floor,
scattered like leaves from an autumnal tree
heading into the cold winds of winter.
The winds blew, icy cold. Harsh.
Things that were never meant to be
were. The world seemed different.
Wrong. But soon all would be right:
Time moves on into the spring,
and new leaves sprung upon the tree.
The shattered glass is carefully
rebuilt. Reinforced. Stronger than ever.
And as the time comes to a close
fresh energy runs up from my roots:
I know you are through every season,
and that you will never leave my side.
I fall in love every day.
Different places,
different faces.
Every time a different way.
Every day it goes again.
Some are born,
some fade; gone.
They pass away without pain.
But one stays there; here.
Inside me, you
always, that's who.
You're always there; never fear.
"I came this close,"
he said, calmly,
holding his thumb and forefinger
millimetres apart.
"But, as always,
I failed."
And then,
only then,
desolation
was visible on his face.
"The story of my life."
His final words.
Have the last eight months been in vain?
Why, now, only this burning pain?
If you dare to dream a dream
be prepared to watch it crumble; fall; as you scream:
"No! No, that can't be all!" Then you wake
to find, it is. A new future must you make.
But, when all is said and all is done,
would you have had it any other way?
Current Residence: Exeter, England, UK, Earth Favourite photographer: Conrad L. Hall | Darius Khondji Operating System: Mac OS X MP3 player of choice: iPod | iTunes Favourite cartoon character: Batman | Danger Mouse Personal Quote: "Quotes relevant to your life are the only ones worth knowing"
Favourite Visual Artist
Edward Hopper
Favourite Movies
Apocalypse Now | Se7en | Donnie Darko | Leon | Fight Club | Magnolia | too many more to mention
Favourite Bands / Musical Artists
Queen | Nightwish | Feeder | Meat Loaf | Weird Al | Scissor Sisters | so many more
Favourite Writers
Joss Whedon | Russell T Davies | Steven Moffat
Favourite Games
Monkey Island series | Word Association | Tetris
Tools of the Trade
TextEdit | Microsoft Word | Photoshop 6 | Fuji S602
So it's been a while since I've done much on dA. I've even missed when I wanted to post Bob IV, which is a shame because it was the 5th anniversary. Or is the 5th anniversary... it might still be coming up... Dammit, I should know these things!
Anyway, what have I been up to?
100 Films in a Year
Blog #1 -- not because it's my first blog (ohhh no, far from it), but because it's probably my most worthwhile. You can check it out here. It's doing fairly well at its new home -- at one point it even made the site's top ten, and if I'm lucky will get back up there -- even if my aim is far from being achieved.
My Cultural Experience
Blog #2 -- w
Look, I started another blog! Hurrah!
No, you see, this one has more sticking power than all the others (except perhaps 100 Films, which is on its best incarnation yet, into its 18th month of life, and has more readers than ever (thanks to Indiana Jones reviews (yes, two))). The reason for this new blog's expected longevity is... it's simpler. No attempt to review anything and everything I watch, or write a story every day, or try to make my life interesting. No, none of that jazz. Instead, it's more a catalogue of things I see/read/listen to/etc -- literally, the my cultural experience of the title. Of course, for the sake of interest, this